James says;

A fish named Fred
sat on his head,
until he bled,
then he was dead,
Garlic bread.

Moose has trouble.

A moose went down to the shop one day,
but the people told him to go away.
He was sad and he frowned and he wanted to cry,
so he turned to the people and he asked them; 'but why?!'
The people, they said; "you're welcome in our store!
Its just with those antlers,
you wont fit through the door!!"


-poor moose.

wait... what?

"So I bought this bread machine, and I was like AWESOME!!! But then I was like, wait... dammit."

Lilien Kirkko

I didn't realise it was possible to be this proud of a friend.

Have a listen.

Gosh it makes me smile.

ughhhhh.

Oh my god.

Glen is wearing a tux.

"Ahhh not normal fishing. This fishing is spelled P-h-ishing."


He ended the segment with: "End Transmission"

con-nex: definition of failure.

Lets all laugh at their spectacular failure:


















*GASP!* Connex.

No shit.



Ahhh Connex; the ultimate epic fail.

hurl.

Photoshop lens flares are classy.
Flick thinks so.

Check it, Check it out.

but wait, theres more!

It makes me hoot when I watch the Morning Show and they have those reeeeeeally annoying infomercials that seem to have been around since the dawn of time, where they have a presenter that interviews the person and they have this big long spiel about why their company is awesome or why their vacuum cleaner is awesome value
'Look it can pick up these bowling balls, and this table with these glasses on it... and this vase, fruit bowl full of watermelons, this midget, this mini cooper, this bottlenosed dolphin and this 6 foot clown thats juggling three chainsaws and a bunch of dumbbells'

But on the Morning Show they have taken it one step further!
Thats right! Australian infomercials have come along way since the obvious and extreme talent of Moira McLean!
They have made the attempt to blend the ads better into the show. Rather than just cutting straight to the ad, and the only link is the 'Thanks Moira." (said with obvious sincerity), they introduce it like its a serious segment. An actual issue.
Kylie will introduce it like;

'Everyone knows the pain of not getting enough sleep some times'

and Larry pops in with

'Thats right, sometimes its just hard to get a good nights rest.
But Glen may have the solution!'

(ah that man has answers to all the burning issues)

*cut to Glen lying in bed or something else suggestive and questionable. He is pretending to to be asleep because the bed is so comfy or something. Lame joke from the guest and a lame response from Glen*

Or, something to that effect.

They have actually tried to make the infomercials ENTERTAINING! Which, unfortunately, just makes them unbearable.
And he just needs to wear less makeup. He looks like he is about to melt.

Anyway, the thing that actually prompted me to talk about these burdens on Morning and late night television is the ad for Budget Car Insurance that was on a moment ago.
They have received some awesome award they got from some awesome company to tell them what an awesome insurance company they are and what an awesome job they are doing, the woman tells us and Glen holds up the awesome certificate.
And on the certificate is a big fat photoshop brush star.
UGGGGGLEH

my rendition of the scene:








Me:








I'm sorry, but it was just the tackiest thing I have ever seen.
Well... at least they didn't use... like Papyrus for their heading or something.

fatter than ya mamma

So I found my stanley knife, and I set about constructing my project!
You can see here the complete mess I made of the floor. I would have made a complete mess of my desk!
But it was already so covered in crap that I could no longer fit there. What a sad day. I could have the lamp there in anycase, which was a definite handy feature.

Anyway,
so here is the finished result:
Please excuse the terribly taken photograph.
Lighting was bad.
But as you can see (or maybe you can't.. so I will make it clearer)
I have an envelope up in the left hand side.
My letter head and compliment slip (the thing that folds. There is a guy inside BOO!!) and my business card. All designed for Obese Records. (check out their music http://www.obeserecords.com/ Hilltop Hoods rock my socks)
This was a project for graphic design that asked us to take an Australian independent record label and redesign their logo and stuff...
I picked Obese records cause... I did.

So thats it... well other than the presentation folder... but hey, should be right.
And I have to reprint the letter head cause I am a loser and failed the first time.
I like how the little dude hath nommed on all the stationary. He so hungreh.

And finally lets all have snaps for Chloe for complaining so loudly and interrupting me lots!














FEEEEEED MEEEEEHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

NOM NOM NOM NOMMM

awesomecakes

And, did I mention that now I have construct said project that featured in the previous entry.
But do you think I could find my stanley knife?

Not on your life Bucko.

a circular journey

I think these needles are 4 mm. I wish I had a gauge or something cause I really don't know.
Megan needs size 4 short circular needles. Did you know that every shop that is even remotely knitting related within the CBD had sold out of them today? Yes, even Big W. What the hell?

Ok, so it all starts last Wednesday and Megan was walking to work. Long story short she lost her whole bag of knitting.
(*annoying sing song voice* Hey Megan, WHERE'S YOUR KNITTING?!)
And today I went early to the city in my en devours to have my latest project good and printed nice and early for Thursday, (You know, in case of inevitable mistakes that may need fixing) and Megan came with me. Cause she is great.
We went to Dinkums (where I met Flick by the way, which was exciting because she is clearly fo shiz ossim) and printed my work and Megan waited the whole time. Patiently knittng with her 3 needles cause she no longer owns circular ones.
Well afterwards we toddled on down to Australia on Collins to go to Lincraft to buy her some such needles to make her knitting experience enjoyable once more. And whilst Flick and I stood and laughed at all the amusingly named products Lincraft had to offer, Megan made the horrific discovery that they did not have any short 4mm circular needles left.
Well then there was nothing for it Megan had class soon, and where else would we find them?
We bid Flick goodbye, and I summoned a tram;
'You there! Tram! Stop!' *tram stops* 'Excellent.'
and Megan went to her class.
So what to do in my two hours until Megan came back from class to catch the train home with Claire?
I went in search of circular needles.

It was a long, often confusing, very tiring adventure.

I went to Big W first because I knew they had needles and guessed they mightn't be too expensive.
I managed to get lost in Big W. Not entirely, but enough. They aren't kidding, it is big. (Its not particularly W though...)
I orientated myself only to discover that they had every size but the one I wanted!
Then I couldn't find my way out.
I tried to go up the down escalator, and aparently they don't even HAVE an up escalator!! It was all very... confusing.

I did eventually free myself from that god forsaken dungeon of miscellaneous goods at low prices, and rang my mum to see what she thought on the matter.
My mum suggested Myer... I didn't think so but I had a look.
I got lost in Myer. Worse than in Big W.
I actually got properly lost and aparently ended up in New York.
I eventually made it to the other side and decided to go to Clegs.

It felt like it took hours to walk all the way down to Clegs, but alas! They had just ordered the size I wanted this morning. They had sold out.
Holy Geezus, It's a 4mm circular needle shortage!!! Are people like, panic buying the things??
The Clegs woman suggested Lincraft.
I punched her in the face.

I walked allllll the way back up across the city to go to the Target Centre.
I got very lost, again. Trying to take shortcuts like the big moronic douche I am.
'I don't remember Collins Street looking like this.... there are two McGills in the city??? Wait...... I'M STILL ON ELIZABETH!?!'
Got to the Target Centre. They didn't have knitting stuff. Unsurprisingly.

I gave up, after an hour and a half or walking back and forwards across the city, and went back to Melbourne Central. Megan was there. So was Claire. I had a sundae. That made it all better.

SO! After all that, the point of the story is I have some needles right here, and they look right.... but I'm not entirely sure as to what size they are.

I think they are 4s, but I'm not sure.


And I also found some awesome bedsheets at Big W.
They had planes on them... and cars!



_{no clegs employees were harmed in the enduring of this adventure}

Spring Onion Container Lid: *chortle*

I really hate that I have to put the spring onion dip lid back onto the container exactly evenly or it just does not go on at all.
Many a time I have stood there trying to cram it back on wondering wildly whether it is perhaps the lid to another container of roughly the same size, or whether by some twisted humor the lid thought it would amusing to shrink slightly whilst I was making my toast.
You know, just for shits and giggles.

Stupid spring onion dip.
Tasty though.

The first discoveries at the dawn of time.

So four posts in the first day of being up may seem a little excessive.
But, it is technically one point five hours after yesterday and I think, that in my ultimate quest for ways of procrastination, that it is time for my first real post.

As you may already have noticed I am bothered by the leading on this text, and I also draw stupid comics of me and my friends.
What you may not have noticed is that this explains several things about me;

The first of which is that I obviously have studied some sort of typography.
I have indeed. I am doing a bachelor of Design at Monash University in Melbourne, Australia. And every week I am faced with the relatively new onset of typographic madness.
This is a serious condition. It can be very dangerous when you almost crash whilst driving because you are distracted by the typography on shop fronts.
Other symptoms include: flinching at poorly treated type during everyday activites, laughing at use of type in certain contexts, shouting: "WHY HAVE THEY USED ARIAL??" and convulsions at the sight of Comic Sans used... ever.

The second is that, despite the typographic madness, I am slightly obsessive compulsive.
But then, everyone is. Quirks like the volume on the TV has to be on an even number, or on an odd number. Or on a prime number...
Or that you have to check the house eight times before you can leave to make sure there is nothing that could possibly cause your house to burn down in your absence.
Only to forget you aren't wearing shoes... or socks... or pants.

The third thing is that I like to draw.
I do!
I draw lots of different things. Whatever passes my line of sight really... that has visual interest.
But also comics. When things come to me. And I will post them here, when they do.

And the fourth, and final thing, is that I clearly have an excellent relationship with my friends.
What do you mean show affection....though....being....nice??
*confused*


You will also, in the course of time, come to realise that I like the *I am doing an action* use of asterisks far to much.

Silencio World!!

it is friendship

a graphically painful world

The leading on this site makes my eyes bleed.

The beginning.

There is a house in a valley, on the side of a hill, in a town on the edge of town, at the end of the line where you can't breathe in winter cause the smoke from the fires and you freeze in the mornings and you skate on the deck, but it never snows, where a girl named Sarah gets bored and confused by the white noise in life and the people that she knows have no ears left cause she talks so much that they just fell off. So she started a blog, and here it is.
So you can read if you want, and if you don't care, don't.
This is my life.